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Dark poetry

Brisbane. The time is 2:30. In the morning. AM. A time when civilised people should be asleep and not in Brisbane. The weather is hot and humid, but the lab airconditioning is holding up beautifully. I am tired. I am trying to take pictures of droplets. Slight problem. No droplets. I am trying to make droplets. To do this, I need to embark on the sort of experimental protocol which makes paper torture seem like the wind blowing through the leaves. I prepare the device. Every five minutes I get up. I change the tubes. I restart the pump. It is not as thrilling as it sounds. It takes 4 hours. I have half an hour to go. Boredom set in long ago. Too tired to think clearly. Shouldn't do thought based work. Should be asleep. Mustn't sleep. Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Work to do. Thesis to finish. Happily ever after to live. I like the big picture. Don't like the small details. Details which say I am in Brisbane, working overnight. Details which say I am spending 4 hours of my life preparing a device. Details which say I have 3 devices which have broken already. Details which say that's 12 hours of my life wasted. 12 hours I don't get back. This is not good for me. Why do I do it?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Overnight gives longer access to the equipment. More chance for success. It is quiet. Alone. Never quiet. Constant hum of equipment is tuned out. Damn. Thought about it. Conscious of the hum. Body doesn't need to be on the same timezone as Europe yet. Occassional visitor to the lab. Fellow tortured soul. The Flying Dutchlab. Not quite. They do what they must. They finish. They leave. I want to. I can't. I've experiments to do. I couldn't get home anyway. No transport. Bell wakes me from reverie. Time to changes tubes. Two more. Why is not automatic?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Have automated it. Not reliable. Not worth the risk. By hand not reliable. No choice. Lesser of two evils. Hope this works. Bell sounds: change tubes. One more. Where there's life there's hope. Should I have not squashed that mosquito? No life. No hope. Brisbane. WHY?

Ok. Monday morning, I got up, replaced my disintegrated licence, did some banking, flew to Brisbane. The usual. Short sentences are addicitve. An interesting style to write. I went straight to UQ and prepared my first channel. I have been given 6. Aerlyn kindly gave me a lift to Geoff and Michelle's.

Today, I got up late, eventually went in, prepared more channels. Didn't work. I have actually done quite a lot today. It just doesn't feel like it, because none of it will put a dr before my name. Aerlyn visited me in the lab after her meeting. I was glad for the company. 5 minutes until I can start the experiments. I'm nervous. What if it doesn't work? It will. It must.


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