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The fish was a PhD student...

One curve
two curve
Red curve
Blue curve.

Black plot
Blue plot
Old plot
New plot

This one has
a little star.

This one has a slanted bar.
Say! What a lot
of graphs there are.

Yes. Some are red. And some are blue.
Some are false And some are true.
Some do fit.
And some are shit.
And I should really, really quit.

Why do they
bend and tend and trend?
I do not know.
You must defend.

Some are lines.
And some are dots.
The dot one's made
of yellow spots.

From there to here,
from here to there,
funny things
are everywhere.

Here are some
after the run
not done for fun
- you will be done

Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot
of funny things you spy.

Some linear
Some are squared
Your groupmates saw
and no one cared

Where do they come from? I can't tell.
But I bet they're made from
MS Excel

We see them come.
We see them go.

Some go up.
And some go down.
Some make smiles.
But most make frowns.

Not one of them
is like another.
Don't ask us why.
It makes you suffer.

Say!
Look at his series!
One, two, three...
How many series
do I see?

One, two, three, four
five, six, seven,
eight , nine, ten.
He has eleven!

Eleven!
This is something new.
I wish I had
eleven, too!

Bump!
Bump!
Bump!
Did you ever break a pump?
We had a pump
till just one thump.

But
we know a man
called Dr. Gump.
Dr. Gump had a working sump pump.
So...
if you like to go Bump! Bump!
Don't jump on the pump of the sump of Gump

Who are we?
We write our thesis
We do not like
That you should tease us.

This is no good.
We try to write.
Through all the day.
And all the night.

And when I turn it in,
Oh, dear!
The mistakes stand right out,
right here!

I like my plot.
In chapter three.
It's not
got holes in it,
you see.

We like our plots
and this is why:
Plots do all the work
when the thoughts run dry.

Hello there, Boss.
How do you do?
Tell me, tell me
What is new?
How are things
With a little gloss?
Is this new?
Please tell me, Boss.

I do not like
this curve one bit.
A lot of things
Argue with it.
Theories and proofs and all the facts.
Oh! What a curve! How much it lacks!

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
My time draws near.
Will you please
come over near?
Will you please look in my ear?
There must be something there, I fear.

Say, look!
Nothing was in your ear.
But you can drink. So have no fear.
Again you leer with beer, my dear.

My graph is holed.
My theories bold.

I must publish
'Ere it gets old

The fit is off.
The trail grows cold.

The fit is off.
The trail grows cold.

I must publish
'Ere it gets old

My graph is holed.
My theories bold.

And now
my story
is all told.

We drew a plot.
It had a lot.
Each series
And every dot.
Every dot
It had a spot
And on each spot
was not a lot.

We saw each curve
and where it went
It went and bent
And made a dent in the rent.

But a Grot can't plot,
'less a Grot does blot.
SO...
what good to a Grot is not blot plot?

The fit was out
and we saw the curve.
We saw the curve
go along and then swerve.

By the fit of the curve
through the midst of data,
they worked till night
Then off to bar.

I would use a square.
I would use a star.

I do not like
this one at all.
All it does
is fall, fall, fall.
I will not have this one about.
It doesn't rise
I'll leave it out.

This room is
quiet as a mouse.
I like to work here
in my house.

At our house
we open cans.
WE have to open
many cans.
And that is why
we have our plans.

Our plans for cans
are very good.
Have you some plans for cans?
You should.

I draw the box.
How I draw the box!
So, every day,
I box the plots.

With yellow dots
I box in plots.
I box the yellow
box plots spots.

It is fun to graph
if you graph with a laugh.
My staff can laugh
at any graph.

It goes high
my theory says low,
but that is just too bad,
you know.

This one,
I think,
I'll draw
in pink.

It doesn't stink,
I'll have a drink.

He likes to think, and think, and think.
The thing he likes to think
is ink.
The ink he likes to think is pink.
He likes to drink and think pink ink.

SO...
if you have a lot of ink,
then you should have
a drink, I think.

Stop! Stop! Stop!
I am a flop.
All I like to do is strop
from data crop
to data crop.

I strop from left to right
and then...
Strop! Strop!
I strop right back again.

I like to strop
all day and night
from right to left
and left to right.

Why do I have to
strop, strop, strop?
I do not know.
Look at the plot.

Work! Work!
Work! Work!

Graph! Graph!
Graph! Graph!

Deadlines
do mean
I work and graph.

All grads who need
to work and graph
should have a plan
and also a path.

What is this plan?
Say!
It is cram.

You never plan,
earn a clam,
I am
a man in a jam
with no clam plan.

Did you ever
draw a graph
in bed?

Did you ever work
with ten plots
on your head?

Did you ever graph
to make a wow?
Well, we can do it.
We'll show how.

If you never did,
you should.
These things are fun
and fun is good.

Hello!
Hello!
Are you there?
Hello!
I called you up
to say hello.
I said hello.
Can you hear me, Joe?

Oh, no.
I can not hear your call.
I can not hear your call at all.
This is not good
and I know why.
My boss has cut the wire.
Good-by!

From near to far
from here to there,
bloody curves go everywhere.

These curving lines
all come from splines.
They help to tell
what's on our minds.
Making them's fast...
so fast, they say,
they can be drawn in
just one day.

Who am I?
My name is Ted.
I have a wish in my head.

I must earn bread;
that's in my head.

When I said I must earn bread
I went and read and studied med.
Then I said, "I dread instead!"
And then I bled and cut the thread.

So...
if you're led to tread to med,
you should dread instead
lest you'd read for phd.
(Ed note: it rhymes if you read it that way)

Saw what she found;
the locked door.
we mocked 'er
but she used the graph
now she's called doctor.

He will procrastinate
He will wait and wait.
And his chance to pass?
It's not great.

And now
good bye.
It is time to go.
Remember though
Lesson to know.

The work is gone. The work is done.
Tomorrow's work: another run.
Every day,
from here to there,
lots of work: curves everywhere.






And that is how Mr Seuss became Dr Seuss. If anyone wants to do the illustrations, let me know...

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"Mark - the first week"

"Mark - part 2"

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Rev's page

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The Bladder - a sports satire site. Well worth a look.

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