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It's only a theory
I'm not sure if any of my readers have caught this story, so I thought I'd put it up for anyone who hasn't.
Recently, the Society Advocating Teaching In Religious Education has launched court action aimed at requiring schools in Kansas to devote equal time in Physics class to their theory of an "Intelligent Motion". Spokesman John Phillips had this to say:
"The theory of gravity is only a theory. If things are supposed to move towards the ground, then how does the theory of gravity explain helium balloons? Why do some things float and others sink in water? Science has never been able to properly explain this."
"The ancient Greeks believed that everything was composed of lots of different elements. They had as many as four! But we now know that there is really only one true element. The element, which we call Sin, because there is only a Single Element, determines whether you move to the ground or towards the heavens err I mean sky. If you have a lot of Sin your body stays on the ground, and when you die your soul goes downwards to hell, but if you don't have a lot of Sin then when your body dies your soul goes up to heaven. Jesus even had so little Sin that he was able to walk on water."
"But there are other examples. Take these two balloons. They look exactly the same, but if I let go of this one, it moves towards the ground, and if I let go of this one it floats to the sky. You can't explain this by the theory of gravity, but this shows that this balloon is filled with Sin, while this balloon doesn't have any."
When the credulous media present asked about why this had not been advanced before, Phillips retrieved the balloons and squeaked:
"Science is dominated by pro-gravity fundamentalists who wouldn't know Sin if they saw it. Gravity is just a theory, and it has been shown, even in the scientific literature, that it can't explain everything. Even famous scientists, nobel prize winners, don't believe that gravity explains everything. People like Einstein or Rutherford. So because gravity is just a theory and Intelligent Motion is a theory, schoolchildren should be taught both theories equally."
A somewhat more skeptical member of the media then asked if this was just an effort to bring religion into the classroom, to which Phillips replied, "No. Where do we talk about religion? All we are doing is advancing a theory where matter is made of a Single Element."
The media then converged on the first elderly man they saw in a pristine white coat, asking, "Is gravity right or is it just a theory?" The eminent physicist told them, "No, gravity is just a theory, but it is a good one. Indeed it has been shown that for most practical purposes, unless we are dealing with near-light speeds or incredibly small objects that gravity explains observations incredibly well." This exchange was then reported as:
When an eminent physicist was asked whether gravity is right, he responded, "No, gravity is just a theory."
My favourite procrastinations
The Head Heeb - Jonathan provides a balanced view on various Israeli and (former) colonial states in less developed regions of the world.
The Bladder - a sports satire site. Well worth a look.